trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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