good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
