I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Did I show you my penis last night?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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