my soul wont recognize me after tonight
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
