Umm I'm too high to move.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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