Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
