She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
