Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
