So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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