i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Boobs are out for the taking
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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