just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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