I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
