Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
