That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
