the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
