names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
