So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
