Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
