this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I currently don't understand fingers.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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