i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This baby is an asshole
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
