one might say we're banned from that church
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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