Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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