whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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