So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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