Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think I am morally bankrupt
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
