wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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