I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
