how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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