Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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