I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize