so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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