If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
