I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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