We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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