does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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