You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
