we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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