I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
