I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
