The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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