you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
