who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
