hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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