This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
