im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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