It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
