Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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