just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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