well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
