What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
