take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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